One Sunday Afternoon...

I'm a melodramatic person. I think too much about everything. I even have trouble sleeping because I think too much. I am easily influenced by what they show on E!. I admire all the Hollywood Stars and buy what they promote. I never seem to have enough no matter how much I spend on shopping.

But it was this evening when I was arranging my things, I suddenly realized. I own too much.

I am the kind of person who can never settle with ONE item. I must have a collection of everything. Hell I even have 2 laptops for the sake of it. You should see my collection of cosmetics, books, bags, clothings and stuffed toys. They are never enough. And they are all costly too. I'm not the kind of person who buys local, unbranded things. Not proud of it. An ex-crush of mine even rejected me because I was too "high maintenance". I cannot disagree.

Lately, the news have broadcast series of tragedies. The biggest one being the disappearance of MH370. It's devastating, having no ending to a tragedy. Then, as if that wasn't heartbreaking enough, 4 months later MH17 was shot down, leaving 0 survivors, killing at least 200 innocents. Stories were being told shedding people's tears and making the whole work mourn.

On a larger scale, Gaza was attacked non-stop by the heartless Zionists. I don't know much about the story behind this battle but I do know that innocent children and animals are being killed. I still believe it's more of a battle of ideologies instead of religions because I want to keep believing that all religions are good. Nevertheless, It's still devastating that humans are killing humans for reasons as weak as politics.

Back in my own country, Sabah is being attacked by intruders. Also, I don't know much about this event as too many false news are being spread in social networks. But many enforcers were killed, and people are demanding war. I am left confused.

So many tragedies lead to a sad, quiet Eid. I was contented staying around family for a whole week and was half-hearted going back to Ipoh, where I work. I realized how lonely I am now and how I tried making it up by spending money on shopping. So I started to sort out my things and my train of thoughts decided to move at full speed.

While I own more than what I need, there are people who have nothing. Children who are starving.

I don't need to elaborate on that to make you understand what I mean.

I keep talking about making a change to the world when I should just start on myself.  I don't know if this will happen but I guess I need to try.  I need to stop buying unnecessary things and live a humble life. I need to make things change for myself before the world. For the better...

I need to at least try...

To The One I Never Had

Been a while since I last wrote a poem. This is what my brain produced. Nothing serious, just a poem about some guy I had a huge crush on who is marrying some other girl. (Note the past tense). No broken hearts, just a bitter gesture.

Love it, hate it... It sure made me feel much better..!!!

It's been a while since I was inspired
My writing skill had even expired
But lately I was left to ponder
A news that lead to silent anger...

It's not the kind of "crazy stalker"
Not a case of humour and laughter
My love for him was ocean deep
The kind I cried myself to sleep...

Although it was so long ago
I poured my heart when he said no
He said I was too high maintenance
I guess he really sucked at finance...

I soon learned he is not that worthy
But still I admired his sincerity
Which turned out to be generously fake
Oh the responsibilities he would not take...

Gradually came the waves of gratitude
The more I know him and his attitude
With an ego the size of Jupiter
I cannot believe it was him I was after...

Now his days are sunshine and glitter
While my time is spent feeling bitter
He is the one I never had
I thought my heart was broken bad...

For hours I slept in confused misery
Why was I in such calamity?
Now I finally had enough
I need to have this one last laugh...

Remember you said I was too costly?
Well, of course you couldn't afford me
Second rate is your only target
I guess your taste is based on budget...

Goodbye now, and also good luck
From now on I do not give a F-
Off to be with he who loves me
Enjoy your Mrs Fat and Chubby...!!!

Let's Pretend...

I'll take my love away, I'll be fast
There's no chance to save,
Or look back,
Now I know the truth it makes
Now It's easier,
Maybe when time goes by,
I will understand...

I'll pretend that I've moved on
I will tell myself that life goes on
without you, i'll open my eyes
Look deep inside
Must run away...

You threw it all away, you're so blind
Pushed me far from you in your life
Now I know that tears won't leave me
In this loneliness
But time will go by
And I will understand...

Let's pretend that I'll move on
I will tell myself that life goes on
Without you, I will be alive
I will survive,
I run away...

Open my eyes, look deep inside,
I run away..

Where Do We Go From Here?

 

Where do we go from here?
Broken not yet defeated, living fear...
What do we do for our dreams to survive?
So breathless, tired and barely alive...

Where do we go to hide from the world?
Promises and lies, truths now unfurled...
How do I unbreak this fragile heart?
Blistered, wounded, I am torn apart...

You said I was your destiny,
Your true love and your priority...
To fight the whole world with me,
To feel love's true beauty,
But now you succumb to history...

Where do I go from here?
You changed my dreams into my greatest fear...
What do I do to try look alive?
And cover my tears, breathe and survive...

Where do I go just to hide from the universe?
To find a miracle, put the world in reverse,
How do I mend this torn apart heart?
I've learned many lessons, but this is too hard...

You told me to never walk away,
Let rise and fall, with you I would stay,
But despair is the game you choose to play,
And so everything changed today,
Yet I can't even move or run away...

Where do you go from here?
The flames burning out, the end very near,
What would you do to keep us alive?
Thin as ice, my faith to survive...

Where can you go, you cannot hide?
Try ease my pain, my tears will subside...
From what you have done, a love torn apart,
This will be the last time you break my heart...

My Protector of Silver Armor

My dear protector of silver armour,
Under the sun, my secret keeper,
You know my joy, you've seen my pain,
Sheltered me from sunshine and rain...

You witnessed all my laughter and tears,
Listened to all my wishes and prayers,
Story of my life only you can understand,
How I survived in this faraway land...

You comforted me when my family left.
Stood by me as my independence progressed,
Midnight drives, my heart's therapy,
You made sure my life is your priority...

Through dust and gravel you took me that far,
To the tip of Borneo, to see the north star,
With you there is a neverending adventure,
My precious, my life, my greatest treasure...

Today we celebrate your first year anniversary,
Life with you has been generously legendary,
You are worthy of all I can provide,
Exchange for always being here by my side...

Happy Birthday, Pandavios... :)
{10-07-2011 - 10-07-2012}

In The Depths of Treachery

This is a poem about a forbidden love where temptation is stronger than logic. Born in the depths of deceit and filled with uncertainties, this dark love is impossible to be broken. Will history beat destiny, or will two stubborn hearts fight for this once-in-a-lifetime chance of love?

I do not know how long it will take,

Midnights in bed i lay wide awake,
Thoughts of this different kind of love,
One that was not sent from above...

In darkness you entered my unbroken heart,
Mistakes were made right from the start,
Lost all senses of what is wrong and right,
Visions terrorized as I slowly lose sight...

It could have been just deception and lies,
Your promising love, through your beautiful eyes,
A lady of grace I was raised to be,
Surrendered in your arms, be at your mercy...

As I fall deeper in the dark side of love,
Entered a world that is unworthy of,
But I do not have any regrets,
Steady through all of insults and threats...

They say true love comes once in a lifetime,
But this kind of love is a genuine crime,
Against the world I am willing to fight,
With you by my side, I will be all right...

Adrenaline rush when you stand too close,
Heart beating fast, as devotion grows,
Your lips, your face imprinted in my memory,
A fatal love born in the depths of treachery...

Circumstances forbid you to be at my side,
Darkness imprisoning me from being your bride,
Doubts and uncertainties slowly killing me,
As we swim to shore, across this burning sea...

My love,
You say I am the woman of your dreams,
Independent and smiles, sunshine and streams,
I dare ask this question,
For you to find a solution,

Would you risk it all, walk away from your history?
Let rise and fall, and make me your destiny?

My Tired Soul...

Was just rummaging through old diaries and i found this poem i wrote about suicide. Well, not necessarily suicide but about death... It was written in July, 2010 when I lost my way in life, before God found me and rescued me. 

MY TIRED SOUL...

My tired Soul, my restless eyes...will never see another sunrise,
A love for a life, one that i have taken away,
Will God forgive me for what I have done today...?

As I lay and put my body to rest, will i wake up and see another day...?
If this is God's final test,
Will they remember me, or will I fade away...?

My body weakens from the blood that sheds... A life I lived with too many regrets,
I take one last deep breath of earth's air,
As I say goodbye to this murderous despair...

As I lay and put my mind to rest, will I ever live another day?
If this is God's hardest test,
Will they think of me, because I cannot stay...?

So now I close my once brown eyes... I will never see tomorrow's sunrise...
A love that took my life away,
Will God forgive me for dying today...?